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Chaim is what you might call a “professional dater.” Since he was 22, he always knew “exactly” what he wanted in a girl.A delightful person and conversationalist, a Ben Torah who learns daily and a successful orthodontist to boot, he was a matchmaker’s dream initially.Why be concerned with a pervasive preoccupation with perfection? Perfection is not a Torah desired concept to be had in relationships. The Malbim (Yeshaya ) distinguishes between two similar Torah concepts – temimut and sheleimut.While on the surface these two concepts seem similar, temimut refers to perfection.

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He would sincerely and succinctly articulate to anyone who asked, exactly what he was looking for in a mate. But inevitably every date or two would end in disaster.

Somehow, Chaim would go out and each girl would have something that was “flawed.” Now 35, Chaim was worried that he would never find that “perfect girl to bring home to his mother.” Perfectionism involves the relentless striving for extremely high standards, judging one’s self-worth based largely on one’s ability to strive for and achieve these unrelenting standards and then despite the regular negative consequences involved in sticking to these impossible, demanding standards, continuing to go for them despite the huge cost (Schwartz, 2008) .

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